Lifestyle changes are hard...duh

I come to you with heavy heart this morning. Well, not too heavy. Orange is the New Black premiered early, so I'm pretty stoked about that. But the scale is a dick. I haven't lost a pound. Not one. None. Zero. In two weeks, I've lost zero pounds even while increasing my step counts and working out three times a week. I think it's time to go about this a different way.

1) I need to stop clocking in my work outs like torture. On occasion I talk myself out of working out because my mind has it made up that working out is the worst thing. Even though I feel refreshed and accomplished after putting in the work, all I can think of going into a work out is, 'Wow, I'd rather be doing just about any other thing than this'. This kind of mentality doesn't help with my overall health nor does it contribute to my wanting to elect to do other physical activities outside of the workouts I plan.

2) Cravings and self control. I think, given my weight, we can all agree that self control is something I struggle with. Giving myself food leeway only leads to me taking advantage. What will one cookie hurt? Well, I already had one. I might as well have two, right? You get the idea. I know there are tons of healthy foods that are also fun to eat. I'm lucky enough to love fruits, veggies, and complex carbs. But you know how it is. Cooking the food that tastes good and is healthy is a hell of a lot harder than just grabbing a cookie, handful of chocolates, cheese melted on everything, etc. This stems from problem number 3...

3) Tired, lazy, ugh... I'm tired just about 80% of the time. I hit a 'wake' high at about 11 in the morning and then plummet after my work out. Then I hit a wake high at about 8 at night when the kids go to bed but that lasts only a couple of hours. The rest of the time, if you ask me what I'm thinking about, it's probably a nap. And this leads me to take shortcuts and be a bit lazy. I can't handle a messy house, so I focus the energy I DO have, after playing with the kids, on cleaning the house. So when that's done, I just want to eat something that tastes good and sit on the couch.

And so, if you are looking here for instance success, I fear I've failed you. All i can do is keep trying. I'm trying to break habits. I'm trying to find ways to renew my strength every day and be less tired. If anyone has any tips or advice to boost my energy, I would be eternally grateful. With that, I leave you with my depressing questionnaire. :P

Weight: 270

Weight loss to date: 0

Dress size: 24

Waist (inches): I need to get a tape measure. I still haven't done that. 

Arms (Inches): See above.

Hips (Inches): Yep.

Cravings: Pasta. Pasta as far as the eyes can see. 

Workouts this week: Rocking the Tae bo still. Tried my hand at some Zumba but I'm really uncoordinated. 

Struggles: Motivation to work out. Fatigue. Cravings. Cooking at home rather than eating out. 

Positive notes: Ummm, i'm struggling at the moment. 

So, the scale is taunting me...

I went into this weight loss journey telling myself that I'd only check my weight once a week. In the past, the scale has discouraged me and I didn't want that to happen again. That said, I'm a human being and an obsessive one, at that. So, i've hopped on the scale twice this week. Once my weight went up a lb. Once my weight didn't change at all. So, to calculate, that means that even with working out almost every day, increasing my step count, and watching my calorie intake...I've gained a mother fucking pound. Marinate on that.

I refuse to let it set me off course, but let me tell you, it's certainly not making me feel like anything I'm doing is helpful. What do I have to do? Starve myself while working out 3 hours a day? That will never happen. Even if I could, it wouldn't be sustainable. I don't want to lose 50 lbs and find it again 6 months later.

So, it is with annoyed heart that I share with you my experiences and tips today. First of all, I forced myself to work out this weekend even though I really did not want to, and I'm pretty proud of that. I'm the master of talking myself out of doing anything I don't want to do. I did eat a California Sandwich last night that probably had 1 billion calories in it. BUT, in my defense, I had ample opportunity to also eat a piece of cake, donut, or other wonderful baked good and declined. I'm calling that a half win. ;) I'm also the queen of talking myself into eating things I shouldn't eat. For the most part, I've been a good little girl.

As I've said before, sweets are my weakness. Especially chocolate. Especially ice cream. Well, I've got an ice cream maker, so I've been scouring the internet for 'healthy' ice cream recipes. This is also cost saving since I have two toddler boys who scream 'ICE CREAM! ICE CREAM!" at me like I'm their put-upon slave, on this earth only to feed them frozen delicacies. I have decided to make my summer ice creams with coconut milk instead of cream and/or eggs.

1) this cuts SOME fat (not really that much. Don't be deceived) but also gives us all some healthy fats.
2) It's easier on the digestion.
3) I don't like to risk the creaminess of my ice cream so I can't go skim/low fat milk route.
*This is important* do NOT go cheap on the coconut milk. My first attempt at ice cream was with a cheap brand and it was not creamy enough at all. No amount of shaking mixed that mess up!

I have also started using Agave Nectar, though one could easily substitute any sweetener/honey/syrup of their choosing. Before you ask, I'm not turning into a hipster douche who buys over priced trendy cooking products. I stumbled across Agave Nectar in a recipe and I liked it. It left little aftertaste and it mixes with the coconut milk easier than granulated sugar.

All of that said, this is the recipe I used for some amazing Chocolate Peanut Butter Ice Cream:

2 cans of Coconut Milk (you MUST use the good stuff)
2 HEAPING spoons of Peanut Butter (honestly, use as much as you please)
3-4 tablespoons of Cocoa Powder
1/3 cup of Agave Nectar or Maple Syrup
1 tsp vanilla extract

Instructions: Mix it all up in a blender until fully blended. Pour into your ice cream maker per your maker's instructions.

*you can also put this directly in the freezer if you don't have an ice cream maker, but I've never tried this.

It is good. No, it doesn't taste exactly like full fat, eggy, rich ice cream. Yes, it tastes close enough and it better for you. This will satisfy my craving, at least for now. And the kids love it. Plus, I'm sort of enjoying trying out my creativity in the kitchen. That said, when I'm exhausted and one of the kids has decided to pester me in the kitchen the entire time I'm trying to cook, i'd just as soon eat a pizza and call it a day. But I'm fighting those urges. 

That's all for today folks. Here's hoping the scale gets it's shit together soon. :P 

Facebook jail, fat shaming, and whatnot...

So, fat shaming was very popular on Facebook yesterday. From the Huffington Post Parent piece about plus size shopping to the upsetting piece by one of my fellow Libertarians about how we are 'glorifying obesity' by 'promoting' it...let's just say I was annoyed. In fact, I called one commenter an asshole after she insisted that they should stop making clothes after size 20 because 'that's just unhealthy'. This got me blocked from posting on facebook for 24 hours. Fat shaming is cool. Don't you dare call someone an asshole though.

Whatever. Onward to the weight loss journey. Well, I talked myself out of working out yesterday and I feel kind of shitty about it. I was really tired and unmotivated. Both kids were purposely pushing my buttons all day long. By the time their nap rolled around, I didn't feel like doing anything. I did maintain my diet, though. So, it wasn't a total loss. I'm not feeling very motivated today, but I am going to at least do 30 minutes.

I have a cool recipe for you guys though, to cut the carbs and increase the protein in pancakes. My mother in law made these for the kids the other day and they were so good, I just had to know how she made them.

Ingredients:

2 eggs (beaten)
3 cups plain yogurt
1 cup flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
Sugar (optional and to taste)
Cinnamon (optional and to taste)

1. Beat eggs and yogurt together
2. Add in flour and baking powder (and sugar and cinnamon) as you mix to make pancake consistency.
3. Grill as you would regular pancakes.

This is a highly improvised recipe. Play around with the measurements. You can also use sour cream if you would rather. So long as you are coming up with the right consistency, you should be fine. Just don't forget the eggs...or it will be a hot mess. Literally. :)

That's all for now, folks. Just remember, fat shaming is not only mean...it's counter productive. Those of us who like to eat do not want to eat less because someone is an asshole to us on facebook. :)

Stress and some helpful tips!

Today, y'all...I am stressed. First of all, my youngest son, Liam, had his 18 month check up today. Well, OF COURSE, David would tackle him to the ground on top of a hard toy 4 days prior to this appointment giving him a seriously nasty bruise on the chest. One that the doctor informs me is 'atypical' basically making me feel like a child abuser. If that wasn't emotionally stressful enough, we got handed some bad news about Doron's (my husband) Immigration interview. Apparently, it's going to be a figurative rectal exam with the outcome unknown. I literally can't even, right now.

So, as I write this, I'm scarfing down a cheddar bagel with cream cheese. Fuck off, it's delicious. Mmmmmm....Anyhow, I don't want to focus on my stress. I did pretty well today, all things considered. So, onward to much more interesting things.

First let me just say 1) Tae Bo is not as easy as it was when I was 13 and 2) I am not coordinated enough for Zumba without some intense help. Tae Bo worked out okay, there were a few points in the basic work out where I was just wiped and couldn't do a combination. In those cases, I ran in place. Zumba was fun, but all I could think about was the fact that I spent at least four years of college dancing a parties, and if it looked anything like the hot mess going on in my living room yesterday...let's just say it's a miracle I ever got laid. Ever. I think I'm going to go to a Zumba class before I try that again at home. In case you were wondering, though, my body hurts and I want to die.

Second, let's talk about food. I have some tips y'all! One comes from my recently (again) vegan high school bud who has lost 30 lbs over the last months and is a BIG supporter of smoothies. I love ice cream. I can't control myself around ice cream, so I decided to give a smoothie a try (Spoiler Alert: It was good and super easy).

Get yourself a blender, frozen fruit of your choice, a banana, and some fruit juice (or yogurt if you prefer but shhhh don't tell my vegan friend). Put that shit in the blinder. Blend. Done. I will say, I prefer to go as light on the juice as possible to make the smoothie thick (that's what she said). Voila!

The next trick I have for you is in the form of a grilled chicken salad. During the day, running around and chasing kids, I'm tired AF. I'm certainly not about to slave over the stove for a personal lunch. So, I bought some of these precooked grilled chicken strips with dipping sauce (buffalo ranch) and decided to make a protein packed lunch by cutting them up and putting them in a garden salad. I used only about 1/3 of the provided dipping sauce as dressing, though you could easily pick your own healthier dressing. Personally, I don't like a soggy salad. I just need a little taste of the dressing to keep it from being a bowl of pure rabbit food. :)

That's basically it today, folks. I just want to think those of you who personally made a point to root for me on this journey. Your feedback, comments, tips, and critiques are always welcome. And if any of you are in this fight against fat with me...ROCK ON! We can do this!

It is time...

Y'all, it's time. Just turned 30, mother of two, I am sick of being fat. Not for vanity reasons. I've always been mostly comfortable in my skin, though I've been overweight - actually, I hate that word - FAT for most of my life. That is not to say I don't wish I were thinner for aesthetics too. While I've always been confident, there is nothing I hate more than having an unedited, poorly shot picture of me posted on social media. An eternal sentence in the 9th ring of hell for any and all 'friends' who post unflattering pictures of me!

No, I'm sick of being fat because life is hard. I have two toddlers and keeping up with them is a challenge. Walking around with my husband puts me out of breath. My father has been diagnosed with diabetes and I don't want to be next. I gained 20 lbs over the Christmas Holidays and topped out at the highest I've ever weighed...in my life. It was a wake up call. I've got to do something. Going down this path leads to being 50 and 400 lbs. I will not do that to myself and I will not do it to my family.

But here's the problem. I'm fully aware of why I'm fat. It's a frustrating mixture of loving food, hating getting off my ass, and shit genes. I still love food. I will always love food. Chocolate is a favorite of mine. And cheese. Oh sweet Jesus how I love cheese - on just about everything. Trying fad diets has never and will never work for me. I have to be able to eat what I want (within reason). I still hate getting off my ass. I'm told that after a while it will get easier and at some point I'll love it. Such a scenario seems highly unlikely, but we'll see. Genes, well...I can't do much about those, can I? So, while it might be an uphill battle, I'm just going to have to decide to deal.

I plan to do pretty regular updates. I'll keep you abreast of what I'm eating, what exercise I'm doing, how I'm feeling. My struggles and my successes. I'll try to maintain some kind of integrity by posting a Q&A every week or so updating my stats. (Fuck, did I just willingly decide to tell the internet how much I weigh?)

For now, let me generally tell you my plan. I got a fitbit and I love it. It motivates me to keep moving. No way do I want to come in last on my step count up against people who actually KNOW ME! I am a bit competitive that way. I'm also doing workout videos. I know, how stay-at-home-mom of me. Well, I'm a stay at home mom. And besides, who doesn't love a little Billy Blanks nostalgia tour with Tae bo work outs?! Right now, I have not clearly defined exercise plan. At this point, just doing ANYTHING will be an improvement.

For food, I'm watching my carb and sugar intake. I'm not cutting them. It is unreasonable for me. But I'm going to stick to complex carbs as much as possible and try very hard to avoid giving into every sweet craving I have, or substituting with something healthier. Like last night, I was craving chocolate and had decaf coffee with about 5 Splenda packets instead. Okay, that's probably not the best example. I'm still a work in progress. I'm going to cook meals with lots and lots of fresh produce and smaller portions of meat, trying to stick to leaner meats. I'm not going to eat just because I'm bored.

And that's about it for now, folks. Without further ado, I give to you the obligatory 'before' picture (from my 30th birthday just a week ago with be loving husband) and my very first Q&A.

Weight: 270

Weight loss to date: 0

Dress size: 24

Waist (inches): I need to get a tape measure. Will do that this week.

Arms (Inches): See above.

Hips (Inches): Yep.

Cravings: Chocolate. So much chocolate. I dream about chocolate at night.

Workouts this week: Rocking the Tae bo. When it gets too hard I run in place which is, surprisingly easier that then work out at times. 

Struggles: Motivation to work out. When the kids nap, omg I just want to join them!

Positive notes: I'm feeling good about how well I've kept my diet this week. I'm really hoping I can make this a lifestyle change!