Lifestyle changes are hard...duh

I come to you with heavy heart this morning. Well, not too heavy. Orange is the New Black premiered early, so I'm pretty stoked about that. But the scale is a dick. I haven't lost a pound. Not one. None. Zero. In two weeks, I've lost zero pounds even while increasing my step counts and working out three times a week. I think it's time to go about this a different way.

1) I need to stop clocking in my work outs like torture. On occasion I talk myself out of working out because my mind has it made up that working out is the worst thing. Even though I feel refreshed and accomplished after putting in the work, all I can think of going into a work out is, 'Wow, I'd rather be doing just about any other thing than this'. This kind of mentality doesn't help with my overall health nor does it contribute to my wanting to elect to do other physical activities outside of the workouts I plan.

2) Cravings and self control. I think, given my weight, we can all agree that self control is something I struggle with. Giving myself food leeway only leads to me taking advantage. What will one cookie hurt? Well, I already had one. I might as well have two, right? You get the idea. I know there are tons of healthy foods that are also fun to eat. I'm lucky enough to love fruits, veggies, and complex carbs. But you know how it is. Cooking the food that tastes good and is healthy is a hell of a lot harder than just grabbing a cookie, handful of chocolates, cheese melted on everything, etc. This stems from problem number 3...

3) Tired, lazy, ugh... I'm tired just about 80% of the time. I hit a 'wake' high at about 11 in the morning and then plummet after my work out. Then I hit a wake high at about 8 at night when the kids go to bed but that lasts only a couple of hours. The rest of the time, if you ask me what I'm thinking about, it's probably a nap. And this leads me to take shortcuts and be a bit lazy. I can't handle a messy house, so I focus the energy I DO have, after playing with the kids, on cleaning the house. So when that's done, I just want to eat something that tastes good and sit on the couch.

And so, if you are looking here for instance success, I fear I've failed you. All i can do is keep trying. I'm trying to break habits. I'm trying to find ways to renew my strength every day and be less tired. If anyone has any tips or advice to boost my energy, I would be eternally grateful. With that, I leave you with my depressing questionnaire. :P

Weight: 270

Weight loss to date: 0

Dress size: 24

Waist (inches): I need to get a tape measure. I still haven't done that. 

Arms (Inches): See above.

Hips (Inches): Yep.

Cravings: Pasta. Pasta as far as the eyes can see. 

Workouts this week: Rocking the Tae bo still. Tried my hand at some Zumba but I'm really uncoordinated. 

Struggles: Motivation to work out. Fatigue. Cravings. Cooking at home rather than eating out. 

Positive notes: Ummm, i'm struggling at the moment. 

So, the scale is taunting me...

I went into this weight loss journey telling myself that I'd only check my weight once a week. In the past, the scale has discouraged me and I didn't want that to happen again. That said, I'm a human being and an obsessive one, at that. So, i've hopped on the scale twice this week. Once my weight went up a lb. Once my weight didn't change at all. So, to calculate, that means that even with working out almost every day, increasing my step count, and watching my calorie intake...I've gained a mother fucking pound. Marinate on that.

I refuse to let it set me off course, but let me tell you, it's certainly not making me feel like anything I'm doing is helpful. What do I have to do? Starve myself while working out 3 hours a day? That will never happen. Even if I could, it wouldn't be sustainable. I don't want to lose 50 lbs and find it again 6 months later.

So, it is with annoyed heart that I share with you my experiences and tips today. First of all, I forced myself to work out this weekend even though I really did not want to, and I'm pretty proud of that. I'm the master of talking myself out of doing anything I don't want to do. I did eat a California Sandwich last night that probably had 1 billion calories in it. BUT, in my defense, I had ample opportunity to also eat a piece of cake, donut, or other wonderful baked good and declined. I'm calling that a half win. ;) I'm also the queen of talking myself into eating things I shouldn't eat. For the most part, I've been a good little girl.

As I've said before, sweets are my weakness. Especially chocolate. Especially ice cream. Well, I've got an ice cream maker, so I've been scouring the internet for 'healthy' ice cream recipes. This is also cost saving since I have two toddler boys who scream 'ICE CREAM! ICE CREAM!" at me like I'm their put-upon slave, on this earth only to feed them frozen delicacies. I have decided to make my summer ice creams with coconut milk instead of cream and/or eggs.

1) this cuts SOME fat (not really that much. Don't be deceived) but also gives us all some healthy fats.
2) It's easier on the digestion.
3) I don't like to risk the creaminess of my ice cream so I can't go skim/low fat milk route.
*This is important* do NOT go cheap on the coconut milk. My first attempt at ice cream was with a cheap brand and it was not creamy enough at all. No amount of shaking mixed that mess up!

I have also started using Agave Nectar, though one could easily substitute any sweetener/honey/syrup of their choosing. Before you ask, I'm not turning into a hipster douche who buys over priced trendy cooking products. I stumbled across Agave Nectar in a recipe and I liked it. It left little aftertaste and it mixes with the coconut milk easier than granulated sugar.

All of that said, this is the recipe I used for some amazing Chocolate Peanut Butter Ice Cream:

2 cans of Coconut Milk (you MUST use the good stuff)
2 HEAPING spoons of Peanut Butter (honestly, use as much as you please)
3-4 tablespoons of Cocoa Powder
1/3 cup of Agave Nectar or Maple Syrup
1 tsp vanilla extract

Instructions: Mix it all up in a blender until fully blended. Pour into your ice cream maker per your maker's instructions.

*you can also put this directly in the freezer if you don't have an ice cream maker, but I've never tried this.

It is good. No, it doesn't taste exactly like full fat, eggy, rich ice cream. Yes, it tastes close enough and it better for you. This will satisfy my craving, at least for now. And the kids love it. Plus, I'm sort of enjoying trying out my creativity in the kitchen. That said, when I'm exhausted and one of the kids has decided to pester me in the kitchen the entire time I'm trying to cook, i'd just as soon eat a pizza and call it a day. But I'm fighting those urges. 

That's all for today folks. Here's hoping the scale gets it's shit together soon. :P